Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
