eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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