you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
