you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
