i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
