We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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