I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
