theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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