my sisters under your porch take her home
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
