I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize