Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
