this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
