PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
