I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
