Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
