U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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