Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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