My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
