he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
