I'm gonna have a badass scar
never play flip cup with pint glasses
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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