he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
That reminds me...we need to get swords
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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