The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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