I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
