yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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