Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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