Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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