Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize