I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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