Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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