do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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