if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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