check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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