You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
