just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
