Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dignity is for republicans.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
