We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
