I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
