Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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