Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
