when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
