I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize