I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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