saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
