You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
