Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
