It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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