She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
