You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
