did you get engaged???
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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