I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
