i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
