Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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