so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
