then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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