Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Green mimosas i think yes
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
