I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
