i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
