genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
