So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
