Why are handjobs necessary in class?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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