His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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