forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
