Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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