I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
