First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
