I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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