You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize