I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
