I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
