My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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