Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize