i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
