Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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