she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
