What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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