my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
