i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Can I color on your dick again?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
