bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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