oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
