if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You are a genius and a whore.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize