No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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