Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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