Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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