woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
