i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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