the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
