happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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