haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
