she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just want nice things and good sex
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
