I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
