You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize