i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
