Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
