'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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