Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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