So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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